August, the month I was born.

When I was 6/7 years of age, I got very sick.
Unfortunately, us poor folks, peasants of the mountains, we only go to the doctor when we are tipping over.

When my mother took me to our family doctor, I could not really climb a flight of stairs without getting tired and I was whizzing while sleeping.

That is when my parents knew something was wrong.

I never really complained, I was just tired, no cough, no sore throat, no nothing, I had absolutely no fever, my regular temperature, outside of Summer, is 35 degrees Celsius,

This was around winter time, lots of rain and wet clothes, I remember school wanted us to have classes in the afternoon too and my mom did not like that because we needed to pack a lunch to eat there.

We were still so small, we would not eat right.

My mother walked me to school, every morning, from the valley to the village, around 2/3 kilometres, she would cloth me well and we would take umbrellas but I remember getting to class, soaked, sometimes, or freezing, some other times, teachers would start the little wood burning stove and try to warm us up and dry our clothes....

The years ahead, we got the bread distributor to give us a ride on the back of his van from then on...

I digress...

That day that I went to the doctor changed my life.

We went to our health centre and they sent us to the bigger one in the village, the doctor heard my heart and my lungs and called the ambulance.

I cried silently, I was so scared, grabbed my mother’s arm and said that I was not going anywhere and I just wanted to go home.

No way José!

They had us in an ambulance in two minutes and we got to the district hospital in 20....
There, I remember being stripped naked and having a bunch of nurses giving me all kinds of shots and then committing me to the intensive care.

I remember being in a room with 4 other beds, other kids I presumed.

I had all these wires attached to my nipples and sternum and a couple of beeping machines here and there with monitors and the IV going.

My mother was by my side, she was always there, I remember her sleeping on the floor by the bed with a couple of blankets provided by the nurses, just like other mothers and I remember jumping over them, a month later when I could walk, to go to the bathroom.

These mothers slept there night after night because there was nowhere else.

I remember being taken to an operation room, while my mother stayed in the corridor, I remember another shot and then my mom told me I screamed a lot and later on I noticed a hole under my right nipple, which today is a breast, that hole had a tube.

I remember 3 doctors at the foot of my bed, I remember one looked Chinese, another one had a big white beard and I think there was another one too.

I remember them telling my mother that if I had been taken one day later, I would be dead.

I remember during the night, the nurse getting very angry at me because she could not find the thermometer that she left under my armpit, I felt guilty, the morning after when they took me to the shower and it cracked on the floor...all the grey mercury...

This nurse was nice, she smiled and said not to worry.

I remember them very surprised, every single time, the thermometer read 35 degrees Celsius.

I remember the nurses washing my tiny body with a wet cloth and lifting me up, holding the wires, to change the sheets...

I stayed in bed for a very long time in my kid’s brain....when I could finally get up and go to the bathroom myself and jump over the mothers, I almost fell a couple of times, like I forgot how to walk because my legs were numb..

One day, we were with another mother in a playing room and I was in some sort of spinning pony and my mother said that she had to go home that she had 4 other kids to take care of and that my dad was working far and could not stay there for longer, I pleaded with her to stay and cried and she slapped me hard...

The other mother held me and hugged my mother.

I felt so alone that night, I was in my bed and looking outside the window and cried and looked at the stars and cried and thought to myself how selfish I was being and how petty.

Back then, I had no idea, whatsoever, of the humongous burden that my mom was enduring by travelling there every day and the money spent, healthcare is paid by our taxes in Portugal but you still need to pay your bills and the bus tickets and all my brothers to clothe, feed and take to school.

I remember Christmas and I remember making a friend, this girl that was vomiting all the time.

There were these ladies that would entertain us and have us play and read books, I loved reading the books, they were so different from the textbooks I had at home from my brothers but they wanted me to partake in the three wise kings stroll, where kids would make crowns and go around the hospital beds and sing...

It gives me a chuckle how much of a little feisty Goth I was already, saying that that was silly and under no circumstances I would joying them.
I remember watching the Brazilian soap-opera Vamp in the recreating room or TV room with my friend and this guy changing the channel to some soccer match.

I remember the nurse scolding him and switching back.

I remember liking the hospital food quite a bit; they had nice food and fancy stuff I had never eaten back at home.

Like seafood or mashed potatoes. Gelatine and yogurt...

I remember my school teachers coming to visit and bringing me mars bars and saying that they would like me to do some school work to catch up and that I was losing the school year but that they would have me undergo an exam and see if I could pass anyway.
I scored higher than all my schoolmates, even though I missed school for a year...

I will never forget those mars bars, still my favourite candy bar in the whole world.

I was not allowed grapes; I think no one was in the hospital.

I remember my father and grandfather sneaking them in for me to eat, anyway.

I remember the day I left the hospital, it was past New Year’s Day, and I remember snow...

I remember the doctor giving us a long letter to give to the family doctor.

I remember every single day my mother had to take the bus and take me to a rehabilitation facility for physical therapy, every day for a whole year.
Sometimes, the bus driver assistant would not collect the fare...

I remember the doctors giving us this calendar where the physical therapist would make an x every day I went.

I remember doing breathing exercises and weight lifting and all sorts of machines.
I remember feeling lonely and sad all the time because I remember the entire burden I was causing my parents.
I remember the physical therapist was so kind, very blond and very fair, Conceição was her name?
She would always give me a bonbon after we were done.

I had a compromised heart and lungs due to a severe bronchopneumonia.
They never had us wearing masks or close down countries because of these viruses that never went away.... do not even get me started on the whole plandemic...
Anyway...

I want to think that this was what caused me to be absolutely averse to any medical prodding to the point of having severe vasovagal episodes when I measure my blood pressure or go to the eye doctor.

Let us not even mention blood draws...

Most of all, I remember being small and already feeling the weight of the world, the pain of thinking and the loneliness of existence.

How sad.

How peculiar.

Today, I remember all these things, in reality, I have never forgotten them.

It is August, my  month and I should  be home.